The Story So Far

So trying to “raise my social profile” is basically as painful as I assumed it would be. I hate trying to think of ways to make people like me, and how I’m presenting myself and what should I do next all the time. And by all the time, I am obviously referring to the, what, five days I’ve been working on this? Shit that seems like a good idea in your bathroom on some random evening is maybe not the awesome. So far I’ve published (HA! “Published”- posted a blog) a letter, which I shared on facebook and on twitter, which had the weird dual effect of making me feel totally exposed and also completely ignored. Exposed to all the people I already know, and totally ignored by those I don’t, which makes perfect sense, but is sort of the exact opposite of what I would be comfortable with. Like, can’t I tell a lot of strangers how I feel and have them be interested, while everyone I actually know completely does’t notice my taking off part of my emotional shielding in public?

Of course, then the compounded agony of asking the to “re-tweet me.” Is there seriously anything (#firstworldproblems) more uncool. Putting aside the fact that I’m uncool.

Then, joy, live-tweeting GH, followed by live-tweeting myself. Either they use the same term for both or I need to learn a new word. Anyway, too much make-up, totally garbled. Failed to mention my name, which, its on MY twitter, so do I mention my name? Look bizarre, hate the whole thing, feel super terrified about it, but again, my face plant will only be seen, most likely, by people who already know me. Which, again, is a real good-news-bad-news thing.

Feeling additionally stressed because what I didn’t do so far today is work on “Parents are People” which is probably what I really need to do. I need to produce the shit out of it so someone is like “hey, she can do that.” and by someone I mean someone who hires at GH.

So the story so far is basically stage fright in an empty auditorium.